your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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