The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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