so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
