so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
