We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
