he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
