you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
