I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
