I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
