Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
