Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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