Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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