last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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