If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
