Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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