I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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