You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
