Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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