Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
