I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
