Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize