he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i barfeds in our rink
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
