I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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