Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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