Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
