there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're like the curious george of whores
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
