what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
