so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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