Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
