Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
