hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
