He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
