I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize