omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
