bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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