She is in my trunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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