Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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