Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found the puke drawer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
