In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
