I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
