she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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