Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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