I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
