it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
