Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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