i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
that is very illegal...i love you.
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