moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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