I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
