don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
