If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
