you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize