no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
