im having a threesome with these popsicles
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
