I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
