I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize