I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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