So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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