I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
