i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
