if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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