Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
