um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
