I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize