In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
