i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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