So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
where are my eyebrows?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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