You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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