i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
