And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
