he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
