chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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