He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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