he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
